About two weeks ago, we decided it was best to put Annie down. She had made some progress but really had plateaued and after a lot of thinking and discussing with the vet, I decided it was best to put her down. Life was busy and I didn't want to face it so I put it off and put it off. Today was the day. I didn't wake up with plans on doing it today but there really was no better time...
So we went to go see Ms. Annie. I hadn't seen in her months and months. I was afraid she would have forgotten me. But she didn't. She came in looking like her adorable little self with a fresh little haircut and her sweet "school picture" haircut on her ears. She got excited to see me and squirmed around with me. I brought her peanut butter... :) I fed her peanut butter and then I held her. Not long after she really calmed down. I just held my little Annie dog...
I held her. I loved her. I told her I was sorry and that I missed her so much. Now, my sweet little Annie is gone.
I've never had a dog that I loved. I'm not super crazy about animals. But there was no way a person would NOT love Annie. She had spunk and personality and was the best little dog. Ever.
I don't know if I'll have another dog of my own. Family dogs... sure. I KNOW I won't have another dog like Annie. But maybe someday Annie will send me another little gift that I can love.
The unpublished post:
On October 4th, 2009, I was sitting alone in our house, resting after church. Suddenly there was a ruckus at the front door. I walked over to see a tiny little white dog looking through the front door. I opened the door and she bolted back across the lawn down towards the road.
About 30 minutes later, here came this little white dog scratching at the door again. I got some lunch meat out of the fridge, opened the door and lured her in. I picked up the tiny little dog to see she was covered in fleas and only wearing a little cat collar with a little bell on it. No information.
I sat outside with the dog for a long time while posting on Facebook and chatting with Seth about the dog. We thought maybe it was a neighbor's dog so I took her to a couple houses nearby but no one knew the dog. We put her on Pet Patrol the next day. We took her to a couple of the local vets to see if they knew the little dog. Nobody knew her. Finally, at the last vet, Seth said clean her up, get her healthy and we'll take her back home.
We had absolutely no desire to have an inside dog. I've never wanted one. I like big outside dogs. We were going to find a home for this little thing. Slowly though, I was falling for this little dog. My parents were falling for her, too. For a while, my parents thought about keeping her. She had such a sweet heart and loads of personality. She was even already housebroken.
Lots of people wanted to know what kind of dog Annie was. I was never able to get a clear answer since she showed up stray. She looked a bit Maltese. The vets said a bit Maltese, a bit terrier, a bit poodle. I decided on this - Annie was 100% mixed breed.
About a week after she showed up, I woke up feeling a bit scratchy in my throat. About 12 hours later I was in a full blown fever and achy-flu symptoms. Shortly after that, I was in the ER testing positive for the dreaded swine. Seth doesn't like the term swine flu (farmers...) - H1N1.
I came home from the hospital and quarantined myself in another room of the house to keep Seth flu-free. The only thing to keep my company was this little dog. This sealed the deal. We named her Annie. Little Orphan Annie.
We need to make this official. One day, I tucked Annie into my purse and walked into the store to buy her food, a bed, and a collar. Ours.
Suddenly, my family was more excited to see Annie visit than to see me! She made everyone happy.
About a year and a half later, Little Wyatt showed up. Followed a couple years later by Mister Charlie. Slowly but surely, the loads of pictures I had of sweet Annie were replaced by my sweet babies. But she was still part of the family. Maybe she played the role of the step child on occasion, but I always tried to make a point to show her the love and affection she deserved.
Of course, there were times that having this dog was completely maddening. She's solid white. And a dainty little thing. But she eats cow droppings and horse droppings and rolls in nasty smells as much as any regular ol' farm dog. She gets dirty! And she's got this fluffy little white coat that attracts cockleburs like you would not believe. I can't even tell you how many of these I've had to pick out of Annie's "beard" or stepped on while walking across the living room floor.... Annie's little "land mines"...
Last Friday, there was a very unfortunate incident where Annie dog landed badly on her back from a fall. The noise was one I had never heard her make before and immediately I worried she broke her leg or something. I NEVER would have imagined what happened to her. She didn't seem to be moving her back legs at all. Not long after the incident, Seth called the vet and before long we were headed into town with Annie. She couldn't sit, she couldn't walk. X-rays didn't show any issues so it became apparent this was likely a neurological issue. I sat on the floor in the vet with my little dog fighting tears the whole time.
Doc decided, in the off chance this could be a pinched nerve, we should give her steroids and other medications to calm her down, ease any pain, and see if any inflammation would calm down and function of her back legs be restored.
No such luck.
In the meantime, a friend of mine mentioned Wheels for dogs. My heart lifted and I felt hope that I could get Annie back. She might be a wheelie dog, but she would rock those wheels with more personality than any dog could. I spoke with the vet and he felt there were pros and cons to Annie using the wheels.
Annie remained at the vet for the weekend to continue treatment to see if any function could be restored.
The entire time she was gone I thought about the possibility of the wheels. How would she handle the bathroom situation. Would her legs be strong enough. Would she become more of a challenge for my hands that already felt full of my two children and other responsibilities.
This has been an agonizing weekend. I miss having her in the house so much. Every time I hear a sound Annie would generally respond to, I instinctively wait for her response. I heard coyotes in the field howling the other night and waited for Annie's growls and shrill bark to wake me, annoyed. It didn't happen.
I've walked into the house wanting to send Wyatt to let her out of the bathroom and hear the children squeal for her. "NANNY!" "NEEEEE!" Hasn't happened.
When she came home on Monday, I was immediately faced with the realization that my Annie wasn't the same and probably wouldn't ever be the same. She couldn't use the bathroom on her own... She wasn't comfortable in her new paralyzed state. We tried the chiropractor like a friend suggested. The vet thought it would be best to avoid the chiropractor in this delicate state.
How I am supposed to take care of my Annie dog...? I have two children who take up so much of my time. How will I find the time to take Annie outside to manually express every time she needs to go to the bathroom. Is this fair to Annie...?
In an unbelievably kind gesture, the vet offered his services, free of charge, to give Annie the best shot at recovery. This is where she has remained for nearly a year.... She made progress, she was able to pull herself around... but after a period of time, it became clear that she wouldn't be making any more progress.
There's not enough room or the proper words to honor this amazing little dog. I wish all of you could see the way she bounced through the grass. Man, she could leap. And this little 10 pound dog looked so fun and full of life as she ran like a crazy with her butt tucked down real low to get as much speed as she could without actually lifting off into flight.
My heart is broken. I've never had a dog that was just mine. This dog was mine. She found me. She picked me. She showed up that Sunday and never left. I never wanted a little fluffy dog. And I know you can't keep dogs forever. But if there's any dog that I would pick for myself it would be Annie. And I would pick her over and over and over again. Damn I miss her.
Bless your sweet, beautiful heart Annie.
