It is 9:30 at night and I haven't walked yet.
I woke up this morning to rain - after it rained all night long - and the rain continued through the better part of the morning. I really thought I would enjoy going out for a walk in the rain but it was often pouring and almost always lightning.... I figured staying inside might be a better idea.
But rainy days bring on a little bit of slothing. I went about my morning slowly and enjoyed the rain. I'll walk later.
My slothy morning led me into a somewhat slothy kind of day. I did a lot of work on the computer and had to prepare for my church board meeting tonight but there wasn't much up and at it happening for me. I figured I would walk after the meeting....
Day Five talks about how we've taken the idea of "me time" and turned it into "me all the time". "Live a life that is called for service to others..."
Well, as a mom, I feel like I'm always being called for service to others.... I'm always responding to the needs of my children. Snack. Drink. Help. Where is this? Can I? Will you? Wipe me? Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom.
I really cannot complain. You may not know this, but my boys are awesome. They are very smart, very funny, very helpful, very loving. We are very proud. It's interesting how in the last five days I feel like the boys are showing even more love towards me. Maybe they are seeing a softer side of me...
I have to stop there - I can talk and tell stories about my boys for a very long time. Where was I? Life called for service.
Well, aside from serving the boys and my family, I have been called to service for our church. Not quite three years ago, I remember telling my mom that I was wanting to get more involved in the outside world somehow.... get involved in the community. My mom has served on the church board, my dad on the school board and hospital board... Maybe I needed to try to find a way to get involved.
Enter: God. Probably only a couple of months after I had been feeling like I should get involved somehow, I was approached at church to see if I was interested in taking over the role of Treasurer.
Woah, God... Slow down. I'm not sure I am capable of THAT. Day Five says "God is revealed to all of us at different points in our lives and in different ways." After pondering back and forth and learning more about the responsibilities I decided that yes, I could handle that. I had just asked for an opportunity to be more involved in the community and look what landed on my plate.
I am almost two years into my service on the church board as treasurer and I am constantly learning more. I love that I have been able to get involved in the business behind the church. Not just the numbers but the planning and assisting our church.
I really enjoyed accounting when I was in high school - not just because my aunt taught the class - but I really loved the numbers and the forms and the rules. There isn't wiggle room - it's right or wrong. My aunt always thought I should go into accounting but I wasn't convinced. Numbers aren't for everyone and I'm not great at math but I'm pretty decent at keeping the books and knowing how it should all work out. I would like to think of this as one of my gifts. And now I get to use it to help serve the Lord.....
Sigh.... Now it's almost 10 o'clock and I haven't walked yet. I AM GOING TO WALK. I wish I could be walking outside but it's officially dark and I would very likely break my ankle if I attempted a walk in the dark. Luckily for me, we have a treadmill. It lives in our basement and I am very convinced that this is going to be my least favorite walk so far. 10pm in basement. Surrounded by concrete.
I could very easily decide not to walk and just tack it onto tomorrow.... But I really have been called to do this walk and just yesterday I read the following - "You must follow exactly the path that the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live, and that it may go well with you, and that you may live long in the land that you are to possess."
2.2 miles. And, go.
Monday, August 1, 2016
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Christ Walk - Day Four. What I love about a Sunday...
I woke up this morning in a truly tangled mess of emotions. Everything was amuck. I took my book outside to read - Day Four talks a lot about different types of walking. After a few paragraphs I gave up on the book. My state of mind had NO desire to read about leisure walking vs. speed walking..... NOT the time book. Not the time.
Not long after I woke up with the tangled mess of emotions, it was almost all lifted. Resolution came so quickly and so respectfully that it truly had to be a product of my prayers from yesterday's Christ Walk. There is no other explanation.
Wonderful news - my entire Sunday wouldn't be muddied by the mess.
Sundays are my favorites. They can be a little challenging because I have to get up and get everyone ready for church and the entire day. We need to leave by 10 to get to 11 church (9 on Sunday school days). This doesn't sound like it should be very challenging but I also have the urge to lay back and enjoy a somewhat lazy Sunday morning and make breakfast. Next thing I know, I'm usually scrambling a little. We always make it to church on time and then we get to spend the rest of the Sunday at my parents' house. These are my favorite days. They are so good for my heart.
I knew I wasn't going to be doing my Christ Walk before church and didn't really think I would want to do it at my parents' today - though I know I WILL be doing one there. I want to walk around that property and just feel joyful. But today, I knew I was going to have to tackle my walk whenever I got home.
I arrived back home around 5 and fiddled around the house. I didn't even get started on my Christ Walk until around 6:30. I read my chapter and found so much more in it than just the explanation of types of walking like I had discovered earlier this morning.
Do you know what is interesting.... I started this book on a Thursday. I have always been the Monday start-up type.... I'm going to start eating better... on Monday.... I'm going to start working out... on Monday. Well I started this book on a Thursday and the very first mention of Sundays in this book just so happened to be on a Sunday for me.
The chapter talks about how Americans have forgotten to have a day of rest. "Sundays have become the day to catch up on everything else because we are too busy being busy. This is a shame for a number of reasons. One, our bodies need rest. Two, the Lord directed us to have a day of rest. And three, when was the last time we just went out and enjoyed being out, walking with our families for the enjoyment of spending time together? Leave the housework, yard work and shopping for another day. They will be there waiting for you; your family may not."
My Christ Walks so far have definitely been more on the fitness side of walking. Pushing myself and climbing some hills and different terrain. Today was a day for leisure - the day of rest. Today was a day to have my family a part of this.
"Leisure walking is just as it sounds: walking for the pleasure of walking."
Believe it or not, tonight was probably the quickest the steps showed up on my pedometer. Yesterday, my walk felt like it took forever. Tonight, my walk lasted around an hour or so but it was so easy to get the steps.
It was so nice to have all of my boys around. It didn't turn out to be us all walking together but everyone was outside the whole time I was walking. We had a lot of family interaction back and forth to the shed, down to the dirt lake, and it was just a beautiful end to a Sunday that started in a much different place.
The spiritual growth portion probably wasn't the heaviest - but this walk was great for my soul. Just like a Sunday.
Not long after I woke up with the tangled mess of emotions, it was almost all lifted. Resolution came so quickly and so respectfully that it truly had to be a product of my prayers from yesterday's Christ Walk. There is no other explanation.
Wonderful news - my entire Sunday wouldn't be muddied by the mess.
Sundays are my favorites. They can be a little challenging because I have to get up and get everyone ready for church and the entire day. We need to leave by 10 to get to 11 church (9 on Sunday school days). This doesn't sound like it should be very challenging but I also have the urge to lay back and enjoy a somewhat lazy Sunday morning and make breakfast. Next thing I know, I'm usually scrambling a little. We always make it to church on time and then we get to spend the rest of the Sunday at my parents' house. These are my favorite days. They are so good for my heart.
I knew I wasn't going to be doing my Christ Walk before church and didn't really think I would want to do it at my parents' today - though I know I WILL be doing one there. I want to walk around that property and just feel joyful. But today, I knew I was going to have to tackle my walk whenever I got home.
I arrived back home around 5 and fiddled around the house. I didn't even get started on my Christ Walk until around 6:30. I read my chapter and found so much more in it than just the explanation of types of walking like I had discovered earlier this morning.
Do you know what is interesting.... I started this book on a Thursday. I have always been the Monday start-up type.... I'm going to start eating better... on Monday.... I'm going to start working out... on Monday. Well I started this book on a Thursday and the very first mention of Sundays in this book just so happened to be on a Sunday for me.
The chapter talks about how Americans have forgotten to have a day of rest. "Sundays have become the day to catch up on everything else because we are too busy being busy. This is a shame for a number of reasons. One, our bodies need rest. Two, the Lord directed us to have a day of rest. And three, when was the last time we just went out and enjoyed being out, walking with our families for the enjoyment of spending time together? Leave the housework, yard work and shopping for another day. They will be there waiting for you; your family may not."
My Christ Walks so far have definitely been more on the fitness side of walking. Pushing myself and climbing some hills and different terrain. Today was a day for leisure - the day of rest. Today was a day to have my family a part of this.
"Leisure walking is just as it sounds: walking for the pleasure of walking."
Believe it or not, tonight was probably the quickest the steps showed up on my pedometer. Yesterday, my walk felt like it took forever. Tonight, my walk lasted around an hour or so but it was so easy to get the steps.
It was so nice to have all of my boys around. It didn't turn out to be us all walking together but everyone was outside the whole time I was walking. We had a lot of family interaction back and forth to the shed, down to the dirt lake, and it was just a beautiful end to a Sunday that started in a much different place.
The spiritual growth portion probably wasn't the heaviest - but this walk was great for my soul. Just like a Sunday.
Saturday, July 30, 2016
Christ Walk - Day Three.
I'm going to have to start getting a little more creative with my titles... Each day definitely ends up with its own point and purpose.... I'm already in awe of how a few pages in a book blooms an entire blog worth of information.... And I usually have to make myself wrap it up. :)
Day Three is going to start with a recap of Day Two:
Christ Walk says you can use other forms of exercise than just walking for your journey. For each 15 minutes of exercise you can give yourself a mile of walking. So by that theory, I would already be at 4 miles for the day. As much as Zumba does for my physical and mental well-being, it isn't the quiet time to myself walking and pondering what I'm doing. I'm making a point to do Intentional Walking each day. At least 2.2 miles of straight-up walking every day.
Today, I'm going to walk those 2.2 miles and love myself. Be proud of myself. But it won't be just me out there walking. I'm bringing God with me.
Day Three is going to start with a recap of Day Two:
Yesterday I wrote about not knowing where my focus would be and then finding it. I knew what I needed to pray about but also knew I would have an impossible time getting a straight answer on the issue. There would be no way because it's bigger than just me.
Interestingly enough, my walk was the same way. I knew I was going to walk but couldn't even really decide where I wanted to walk...! I walked out and headed a different direction but really wasn't sure if my path would get me where I was hoping to go. I kind of wandered a bit. I walked beside the bean field and then another direction but it got to be fairly rough terrain so I turned and walked the other way. Then I was getting up into some weeds and wasn't really sure I liked where I was headed. So I headed up towards the shed and then back down to the house and eventually settled back on our dirt "lake".
I walked in circles and talked to God. I kept looking at the scriptures I was given and about half way through the walk I had made my way down to this one:
"Teach them to your children, talking about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise." - Deuteronomy 11:19
I looked up at our house and realized I was down here trying to connect and better myself as a person and as a wife and as a mother but I had left my kids up in the house with the supervision of the iPad and the computer..... I knew I needed to bring my kids to the dirt with me.
Luckily, the boys willingly left their electronics and put on their mud boots to come see all the different dirt. Their favorite dirt was the same as mine. :)
We had a great time and the boys were down at the lake with me for the last half of the walk. I'm so happy I brought them along with me. I led some of the conversation about being a better mother and why I'm doing the Christ Walk but I also just let them wander and lead me around the dirt. We found several different sets of animal tracks - they squished in the wet dirt where the water runs out of the hill - they loved the crunchy dirt where you can peel layers off almost like cardboard... It was a great time out of the house with my boys. Even in that short time, we connected more than we had in a while.
I have plans to bring the husband along on one of my journeys... The whole family on another journey... Likely more than just one.
Now, onto Day Three.
A mysterious alarm on my phone went off and woke me up a little earlier than I would have preferred but instead of falling back to sleep I picked up my book and started reading. I was a bit groggy and just reading words without comprehending all of it. I was already telling myself that I'd have to come back and re-read the chapter. Then, I read this paragraph - "Do not be driven by worries about what others think; worry about what God thinks."
Yeah. That's me.
This line in the book was an entire paragraph. That's all that needed to be said. This chapter probably could've stopped right there and I would've been set. Of course this is something that I've heard before but something about highlighting that single-line paragraph got to me. I re-read part of the chapter and found this also - "We are all creatures of God. We are all made in God's image. Therefore, there is diversity in how we all look, but that does not make any of us less beautiful than the other. We are all amazingly beautiful."
I haven't had very many moments in my life that I remember being excited about the way that I looked and even have some anxiety when getting ready to go out and about. I always see the flaws and the work in progress and I always wonder what others are going to think of me. Can they tell I've put on 5 pounds... 15 pounds... My arms are chubby. My legs are HUGE - why are these muscles so bulky? I have a zit. They're going to be staring at my crusty red zit..! My husband has bared the brunt of these self-criticisms and I know it's one of his least favorite qualities of mine. He thinks I'm unbelievably beautiful. He loves that I'm strong.
In the intro of the book we come up with goals for our 40 day Christ Walk. My mental goal was to speak to myself in a positive way. Don't be hard. Don't give up. Be the sunshine. I am officially DONE trashing myself. I quit. I QUIT. My legs are strong. They are carrying me on this Christ Walk. My arms are strong and I can carry my babies to their beds. It'll be hard to get over the zits.......... But I'll work on it.... :) Body shaming myself is over.
I have been created in His image. He built me. The problems that I have with my body have been created by me. This roller coaster of self-disrespect is the journey that led me here to change my life.
Whew.
This morning I went to Zumba and had an amazing workout. I LOVE Zumba. The music... The people... The challenge... We all push ourselves to the next level and we all support each other. Today we did a new routine to one of my favorite new songs. How perfect does this fit my thoughts and reading for the day..?
"I thank God every day
That I woke up feeling' this way
And I can't help lovin' myself
And I don't need nobody else"
Well, almost perfect.
At Zumba, we pick a poster to be our focus for the day. "I will not be stopped." "I'm doing this for me." "Hustle for that muscle." There is also a blank poster in the middle where we can write whatever we want.
At the beginning of the year, I participated in a weight-loss challenge through Zumba and lost around 10 pounds and as many inches. Weighing in and being measured each week kept me accountable and I am competitive... I wanted to WIN! I got nervous as the challenge ended that I would going to fall back into my old ways because I wasn't going to have to be held accountable. Our teacher was also due to have a baby anytime and my 4-5 times a week Zumba habit was going to be put on hold. So I wrote on the poster. "I will not be stopped. I will beat the old me." - 2/21/16
Our teacher had her baby just about a week after I wrote this and just like I told myself not to, I started to slip.
It wasn't just because I couldn't be at Zumba. We completed building our house and moved in towards the end of March. For me, February through May were kind of a blur.
When Zumba classes started back up, back to class I went and I wrote this on the poster. "My success is in my hands - no one else's...!! - 4/21/16
I did well from April to June - attending Zumba as often as I could. I was getting back on track and then when June hit, I was traveling for a lot of the month and was MIA from all of Zumba. July came around and I was still a no-show for Zumba. Summertime, schedules... It was hard to get myself back into the game.
Finally, the last week of July and I got myself back to Zumba.
When I was finally faced with the posters, I had just started the Christ Walk that day. I knew what I had written in April and knew immediately that my statement was wrong. I wanted to cross it out and replace it, but I didn't. I just drew an arrow down and wrote the following. "My success is in His hands! I can't do it alone." - 7/28/16
That one neon poster holds my entire journey. Seeing that transformation of wanting to beat the old me, thinking it was all up to me, and then realizing it is so much bigger than just me.... I realize that this journey of coming into the Christ Walk has been growing inside of me. Yes, I feel like I just stumbled upon it on Thursday but that is definitely not the case. God has been so present in my life and I haven't even realized it.... I finally figured it out.
We had a great time and the boys were down at the lake with me for the last half of the walk. I'm so happy I brought them along with me. I led some of the conversation about being a better mother and why I'm doing the Christ Walk but I also just let them wander and lead me around the dirt. We found several different sets of animal tracks - they squished in the wet dirt where the water runs out of the hill - they loved the crunchy dirt where you can peel layers off almost like cardboard... It was a great time out of the house with my boys. Even in that short time, we connected more than we had in a while.
I have plans to bring the husband along on one of my journeys... The whole family on another journey... Likely more than just one.
Now, onto Day Three.
A mysterious alarm on my phone went off and woke me up a little earlier than I would have preferred but instead of falling back to sleep I picked up my book and started reading. I was a bit groggy and just reading words without comprehending all of it. I was already telling myself that I'd have to come back and re-read the chapter. Then, I read this paragraph - "Do not be driven by worries about what others think; worry about what God thinks."
Yeah. That's me.
This line in the book was an entire paragraph. That's all that needed to be said. This chapter probably could've stopped right there and I would've been set. Of course this is something that I've heard before but something about highlighting that single-line paragraph got to me. I re-read part of the chapter and found this also - "We are all creatures of God. We are all made in God's image. Therefore, there is diversity in how we all look, but that does not make any of us less beautiful than the other. We are all amazingly beautiful."
I haven't had very many moments in my life that I remember being excited about the way that I looked and even have some anxiety when getting ready to go out and about. I always see the flaws and the work in progress and I always wonder what others are going to think of me. Can they tell I've put on 5 pounds... 15 pounds... My arms are chubby. My legs are HUGE - why are these muscles so bulky? I have a zit. They're going to be staring at my crusty red zit..! My husband has bared the brunt of these self-criticisms and I know it's one of his least favorite qualities of mine. He thinks I'm unbelievably beautiful. He loves that I'm strong.
In the intro of the book we come up with goals for our 40 day Christ Walk. My mental goal was to speak to myself in a positive way. Don't be hard. Don't give up. Be the sunshine. I am officially DONE trashing myself. I quit. I QUIT. My legs are strong. They are carrying me on this Christ Walk. My arms are strong and I can carry my babies to their beds. It'll be hard to get over the zits.......... But I'll work on it.... :) Body shaming myself is over.
I have been created in His image. He built me. The problems that I have with my body have been created by me. This roller coaster of self-disrespect is the journey that led me here to change my life.
Whew.
This morning I went to Zumba and had an amazing workout. I LOVE Zumba. The music... The people... The challenge... We all push ourselves to the next level and we all support each other. Today we did a new routine to one of my favorite new songs. How perfect does this fit my thoughts and reading for the day..?
"I thank God every day
That I woke up feeling' this way
And I can't help lovin' myself
And I don't need nobody else"
Well, almost perfect.
At Zumba, we pick a poster to be our focus for the day. "I will not be stopped." "I'm doing this for me." "Hustle for that muscle." There is also a blank poster in the middle where we can write whatever we want.
At the beginning of the year, I participated in a weight-loss challenge through Zumba and lost around 10 pounds and as many inches. Weighing in and being measured each week kept me accountable and I am competitive... I wanted to WIN! I got nervous as the challenge ended that I would going to fall back into my old ways because I wasn't going to have to be held accountable. Our teacher was also due to have a baby anytime and my 4-5 times a week Zumba habit was going to be put on hold. So I wrote on the poster. "I will not be stopped. I will beat the old me." - 2/21/16
Our teacher had her baby just about a week after I wrote this and just like I told myself not to, I started to slip.
It wasn't just because I couldn't be at Zumba. We completed building our house and moved in towards the end of March. For me, February through May were kind of a blur.
When Zumba classes started back up, back to class I went and I wrote this on the poster. "My success is in my hands - no one else's...!! - 4/21/16
I did well from April to June - attending Zumba as often as I could. I was getting back on track and then when June hit, I was traveling for a lot of the month and was MIA from all of Zumba. July came around and I was still a no-show for Zumba. Summertime, schedules... It was hard to get myself back into the game.
Finally, the last week of July and I got myself back to Zumba.
When I was finally faced with the posters, I had just started the Christ Walk that day. I knew what I had written in April and knew immediately that my statement was wrong. I wanted to cross it out and replace it, but I didn't. I just drew an arrow down and wrote the following. "My success is in His hands! I can't do it alone." - 7/28/16
That one neon poster holds my entire journey. Seeing that transformation of wanting to beat the old me, thinking it was all up to me, and then realizing it is so much bigger than just me.... I realize that this journey of coming into the Christ Walk has been growing inside of me. Yes, I feel like I just stumbled upon it on Thursday but that is definitely not the case. God has been so present in my life and I haven't even realized it.... I finally figured it out.
Christ Walk says you can use other forms of exercise than just walking for your journey. For each 15 minutes of exercise you can give yourself a mile of walking. So by that theory, I would already be at 4 miles for the day. As much as Zumba does for my physical and mental well-being, it isn't the quiet time to myself walking and pondering what I'm doing. I'm making a point to do Intentional Walking each day. At least 2.2 miles of straight-up walking every day.
Today, I'm going to walk those 2.2 miles and love myself. Be proud of myself. But it won't be just me out there walking. I'm bringing God with me.
Friday, July 29, 2016
Christ Walk - Day Two
I woke up today and did as I planned. I will admit I grabbed my phone first to check the time but then reached for the Christ Walk book I left by my bed. Day Two isn't a beefy chapter at all. It is mostly informational and seems a little more geared to those just starting in walking. So after I finished reading, I wondered where I would find my focus for prayer while I was walking today... I assumed I would just start walking and stumble upon some thoughts. Not exactly the case.
Shortly after this, I was tested.
I didn't know this was a test and just took it to heart and got a bit sad. Then I realized... it was a test. I've started something new and wonderful and immediately got a distraction thrown my way. Instead of letting this derail me and ruin my day, I believe I have found the focus for my walk today. The first thing that came into my head when I realized this was:
Do you know what this is? This is God talking to me - as simple as that... Nothing fancy. Just telling me what my next move should be. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
My mom shared this with me right after I had Wyatt. I was having some challenging evenings, mostly just getting very anxious about what the night might have in store for me with a brand new baby. I read this often and was able to find peace in it. Around that time, something wild happened to me that I will cherish forever and never forget.
One night, when Wyatt was a baby, after I had been telling myself not to be anxious and to give it to God, I had a dream. In my dream, I was somewhere outside with Wyatt. Of course, this was a dream so I have no idea where I was - I feel like it was kind of a forest area... I was on the outside of it but also in it at some point. I was just walking, holding Wyatt, and I realized it was about to storm. What in the world was I going to do?! What a mistake I had made...! I was outside with my small baby and going to get stuck in a storm. I had no idea where to go because we were in the middle of nowhere. Sure enough, it started to rain and then storm while we were out in the woods. Next thing I know, I'm not out in the woods in the rain anymore... I'm in the church I grew up in. The church I still attend today. How in the world did that happen? One second I was out in the pouring rain with my brand new baby and the next I was safe inside our empty church....
This dream was almost 6 years ago but I still remember it so well and still get lost in the wonder of it. That was the first time in my life that I really believe that God spoke to me. "Lindsey... It's going to be okay because you have me. You have the church...."
I'm being tested. Right here at the start of something new. So I will carry Philippians 4:6 with me on a piece of paper while I walk, along with the two scriptures the Christ Walk gave me today.
"Teach them to your children, talking about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise." - Deuteronomy 11:19
"All things can be done for the one who believes." - Mark 9:23
I'm hoping to find answers again today on my walk. I'm a little skeptical because what I'm hoping to get answers for is bigger than just ME. Who knows what will come from this.... I have been given some tools to carry with me along with the way. I have a feeling the time alone outside listening to my feet in the grass, the gravel, the dirt will lead me somewhere. Hopefully.
Hmmm. I said earlier that Day Two of Christ Walk wasn't very beefy. Well... That escalated quickly.....
Shortly after this, I was tested.
I didn't know this was a test and just took it to heart and got a bit sad. Then I realized... it was a test. I've started something new and wonderful and immediately got a distraction thrown my way. Instead of letting this derail me and ruin my day, I believe I have found the focus for my walk today. The first thing that came into my head when I realized this was:
Do you know what this is? This is God talking to me - as simple as that... Nothing fancy. Just telling me what my next move should be. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
My mom shared this with me right after I had Wyatt. I was having some challenging evenings, mostly just getting very anxious about what the night might have in store for me with a brand new baby. I read this often and was able to find peace in it. Around that time, something wild happened to me that I will cherish forever and never forget.
One night, when Wyatt was a baby, after I had been telling myself not to be anxious and to give it to God, I had a dream. In my dream, I was somewhere outside with Wyatt. Of course, this was a dream so I have no idea where I was - I feel like it was kind of a forest area... I was on the outside of it but also in it at some point. I was just walking, holding Wyatt, and I realized it was about to storm. What in the world was I going to do?! What a mistake I had made...! I was outside with my small baby and going to get stuck in a storm. I had no idea where to go because we were in the middle of nowhere. Sure enough, it started to rain and then storm while we were out in the woods. Next thing I know, I'm not out in the woods in the rain anymore... I'm in the church I grew up in. The church I still attend today. How in the world did that happen? One second I was out in the pouring rain with my brand new baby and the next I was safe inside our empty church....
This dream was almost 6 years ago but I still remember it so well and still get lost in the wonder of it. That was the first time in my life that I really believe that God spoke to me. "Lindsey... It's going to be okay because you have me. You have the church...."
I'm being tested. Right here at the start of something new. So I will carry Philippians 4:6 with me on a piece of paper while I walk, along with the two scriptures the Christ Walk gave me today.
"Teach them to your children, talking about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise." - Deuteronomy 11:19
"All things can be done for the one who believes." - Mark 9:23
I'm hoping to find answers again today on my walk. I'm a little skeptical because what I'm hoping to get answers for is bigger than just ME. Who knows what will come from this.... I have been given some tools to carry with me along with the way. I have a feeling the time alone outside listening to my feet in the grass, the gravel, the dirt will lead me somewhere. Hopefully.
Hmmm. I said earlier that Day Two of Christ Walk wasn't very beefy. Well... That escalated quickly.....
Thursday, July 28, 2016
Christ Walk
Something happened today. It started as an ordinary day but took an interesting turn somewhere in the middle. God has recently put a new friend in my life. She has become a wonderful friend to me and we share a lot about our lives - our health and our faith... Today, we were chatting and she, like she always does, was supporting me and encouraging me forward. I was trying to understand why I have been having some struggles lately.... Wondering if I had a mental block or something that I needed to work through. I knew one thing that probably needed some attention was my faith. I had been thinking for a little while that I needed to start a devotional of some sort. Our previous pastor spoke in a sermon about reaching for the bible instead of reaching for your phone.... That struck me and for a while I've thought I need to start each morning with a devotional instead of mindless videos and Facebook this-and-that. So that was my first thought.
Then as I turned my head the other direction I saw a book sitting on my chair: Christ Walk: A 40-Day Spiritual Fitness Program. I've had this book in my possession for about a month but haven't opened it yet. When I saw that book today my head said, "Yep. There it is."
So, I think God spoke to me today.
Today is the start of something new for me and I've tried to decide if this is something I wanted to share or not. I've gotten a little flack for sharing EVERYTHING that happens in my life on Facebook. So I pondered this for a little while and decided that I was going to, of course, share this as well. Not because I want the attention or praise for this. The bulk of this journey will be in my head and not on these pages. I'm sharing because I want another avenue to keep me dedicated to this journey. Something else to hold me accountable. So, here it is.
Today was Day One of my Christ Walk and I already know this is going to change my life. I opened the book, read the intro and was immediately struck by several things. *Forgive me if I'm not citing and putting this information down in the proper format... Maybe I'll do a little research again on citing and sources and do this the proper way.*
This was my major takeaway from the intro...
"When I have the most internal conflict over my life, it is invariably because I am paying too much attention to the self, rather than what God is telling me. We are not put on this earth to focus on the SELF, rather what the self can do for God."
Wow. That alone says it all. That explains the days when I don't want to do this or that and I find myself avoiding it by opening the cabinets and the refrigerator. It explains the days when I decide to just sit down and lose myself in my phone instead of addressing the to-do list that I have for myself.
On Day One of Christ Walk you pick a journey. This is a biblical route that you choose to walk, run, pray, whatever (the distance of) during the next forty days. I have decided to take The Jerusalem Challenge. Roughly 2.2 miles per day, this takes you on Jesus' final days through Jerusalem - preaching, his last meal, his arrest, trial, Peter's denial and then his crucifixion. The book writes, "Can you walk forty days in Jesus' shoes?" "What a powerful image to walk the distance of Christ's ultimate sacrifice for us each day."
I decided to start by walking to get the mail. I stepped out of the garage and as I closed my door behind me I stopped and thought - this is it. This is the new life I'm looking for. Closing that door on who I have been and starting new right here. I looked down at my Garmin to see how many steps I was at so far. 3316. I looked again. 3316. 3:16. John 3:16. "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
Well. Maybe that's another sign.
I walked to get the mail. The sound of the gravel under my feet was awesome. The wind was blowing, the clouds were beautiful, the bean field was waving all around me. I felt more in touch with nature in that 5 minutes than I have in a long time.
After I walked to get the mail, I decided to head down to where we eventually will build a lake. It's a big, dry, empty dirt field right now. I made laps around it and couldn't believe how much I enjoyed the sound of the dirt under my feet. The loose dirt, the hard dirt, the softer dirt where water runs out of the hill, the crunchy dirt where the clay has dried up.... Whoever would have thunk that there were so many exciting sounds made by dirt...... Hah. Who am I?
I walked and thought about Jesus' many journeys and those of his disciples.... And how in the world did anyone know where they were going?! What would it be like to not know when you were going to eat again...? Or have another drink of water...?
I spoke out loud to God. One thing that stuck with me during this time was when I wondered, why haven't I ever been able to stick with my success...? Why do I always lose my balance and control and fall back to who I was...? I heard my answer today. I haven't included God on my journey. This time, he's leading my journey.
At one point in my laps I saw two yellow butterflies. I decided to stop and look at them. I know... I sound so crunchy, granola right now.... I came upon two yellow butterflies, I befriended them while they were fluttering among the weeds. I was sad to see them go, but happy for the time we spent together. I know... I hear it, too.... The butterflies. I see butterflies randomly but don't pay much attention to them really, so I watched these for just a little bit. Later, I decided to Google yellow butterflies and also realized that they were a little sign for me. "Yellow butterflies symbolize 'new life', a transformation, rebirth."
Sold. Even more reassurance that this whole day is much bigger than I can ever build on my own.
I'm looking so forward to Day Two of my Christ Walk. I'm not sure if I'll blog each day about this or not... but stay tuned. It's just the beginning.
My physical goal for Christ Walk:
-To be more active and respectful of my body.
My spiritual goal for Christ Walk:
-To connect with God each day. Go there first.
My mental goal for Christ Walk:
-To speak to myself in a positive way. Don't be hard. Don't give up. Be the sunshine.
Then as I turned my head the other direction I saw a book sitting on my chair: Christ Walk: A 40-Day Spiritual Fitness Program. I've had this book in my possession for about a month but haven't opened it yet. When I saw that book today my head said, "Yep. There it is."
So, I think God spoke to me today.
Today is the start of something new for me and I've tried to decide if this is something I wanted to share or not. I've gotten a little flack for sharing EVERYTHING that happens in my life on Facebook. So I pondered this for a little while and decided that I was going to, of course, share this as well. Not because I want the attention or praise for this. The bulk of this journey will be in my head and not on these pages. I'm sharing because I want another avenue to keep me dedicated to this journey. Something else to hold me accountable. So, here it is.
Today was Day One of my Christ Walk and I already know this is going to change my life. I opened the book, read the intro and was immediately struck by several things. *Forgive me if I'm not citing and putting this information down in the proper format... Maybe I'll do a little research again on citing and sources and do this the proper way.*
This was my major takeaway from the intro...
"When I have the most internal conflict over my life, it is invariably because I am paying too much attention to the self, rather than what God is telling me. We are not put on this earth to focus on the SELF, rather what the self can do for God."
Wow. That alone says it all. That explains the days when I don't want to do this or that and I find myself avoiding it by opening the cabinets and the refrigerator. It explains the days when I decide to just sit down and lose myself in my phone instead of addressing the to-do list that I have for myself.
On Day One of Christ Walk you pick a journey. This is a biblical route that you choose to walk, run, pray, whatever (the distance of) during the next forty days. I have decided to take The Jerusalem Challenge. Roughly 2.2 miles per day, this takes you on Jesus' final days through Jerusalem - preaching, his last meal, his arrest, trial, Peter's denial and then his crucifixion. The book writes, "Can you walk forty days in Jesus' shoes?" "What a powerful image to walk the distance of Christ's ultimate sacrifice for us each day."
I decided to start by walking to get the mail. I stepped out of the garage and as I closed my door behind me I stopped and thought - this is it. This is the new life I'm looking for. Closing that door on who I have been and starting new right here. I looked down at my Garmin to see how many steps I was at so far. 3316. I looked again. 3316. 3:16. John 3:16. "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
Well. Maybe that's another sign.
I walked to get the mail. The sound of the gravel under my feet was awesome. The wind was blowing, the clouds were beautiful, the bean field was waving all around me. I felt more in touch with nature in that 5 minutes than I have in a long time.
After I walked to get the mail, I decided to head down to where we eventually will build a lake. It's a big, dry, empty dirt field right now. I made laps around it and couldn't believe how much I enjoyed the sound of the dirt under my feet. The loose dirt, the hard dirt, the softer dirt where water runs out of the hill, the crunchy dirt where the clay has dried up.... Whoever would have thunk that there were so many exciting sounds made by dirt...... Hah. Who am I?
I walked and thought about Jesus' many journeys and those of his disciples.... And how in the world did anyone know where they were going?! What would it be like to not know when you were going to eat again...? Or have another drink of water...?
I spoke out loud to God. One thing that stuck with me during this time was when I wondered, why haven't I ever been able to stick with my success...? Why do I always lose my balance and control and fall back to who I was...? I heard my answer today. I haven't included God on my journey. This time, he's leading my journey.
At one point in my laps I saw two yellow butterflies. I decided to stop and look at them. I know... I sound so crunchy, granola right now.... I came upon two yellow butterflies, I befriended them while they were fluttering among the weeds. I was sad to see them go, but happy for the time we spent together. I know... I hear it, too.... The butterflies. I see butterflies randomly but don't pay much attention to them really, so I watched these for just a little bit. Later, I decided to Google yellow butterflies and also realized that they were a little sign for me. "Yellow butterflies symbolize 'new life', a transformation, rebirth."
Sold. Even more reassurance that this whole day is much bigger than I can ever build on my own.
I'm looking so forward to Day Two of my Christ Walk. I'm not sure if I'll blog each day about this or not... but stay tuned. It's just the beginning.
My physical goal for Christ Walk:
-To be more active and respectful of my body.
My spiritual goal for Christ Walk:
-To connect with God each day. Go there first.
My mental goal for Christ Walk:
-To speak to myself in a positive way. Don't be hard. Don't give up. Be the sunshine.
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
Little Annie Dog - Simply the Best
Almost 11 months ago I started composing a post for this blog.... It has been sitting in my drafts for almost a year. Today, I'm publishing it. Today, I said goodbye to my sweetest little Annie dog. It has been a very long road for all of us and today it ended.
About two weeks ago, we decided it was best to put Annie down. She had made some progress but really had plateaued and after a lot of thinking and discussing with the vet, I decided it was best to put her down. Life was busy and I didn't want to face it so I put it off and put it off. Today was the day. I didn't wake up with plans on doing it today but there really was no better time...
So we went to go see Ms. Annie. I hadn't seen in her months and months. I was afraid she would have forgotten me. But she didn't. She came in looking like her adorable little self with a fresh little haircut and her sweet "school picture" haircut on her ears. She got excited to see me and squirmed around with me. I brought her peanut butter... :) I fed her peanut butter and then I held her. Not long after she really calmed down. I just held my little Annie dog...
I held her. I loved her. I told her I was sorry and that I missed her so much. Now, my sweet little Annie is gone.
I've never had a dog that I loved. I'm not super crazy about animals. But there was no way a person would NOT love Annie. She had spunk and personality and was the best little dog. Ever.
I don't know if I'll have another dog of my own. Family dogs... sure. I KNOW I won't have another dog like Annie. But maybe someday Annie will send me another little gift that I can love.
The unpublished post:
On October 4th, 2009, I was sitting alone in our house, resting after church. Suddenly there was a ruckus at the front door. I walked over to see a tiny little white dog looking through the front door. I opened the door and she bolted back across the lawn down towards the road.
About 30 minutes later, here came this little white dog scratching at the door again. I got some lunch meat out of the fridge, opened the door and lured her in. I picked up the tiny little dog to see she was covered in fleas and only wearing a little cat collar with a little bell on it. No information.
I sat outside with the dog for a long time while posting on Facebook and chatting with Seth about the dog. We thought maybe it was a neighbor's dog so I took her to a couple houses nearby but no one knew the dog. We put her on Pet Patrol the next day. We took her to a couple of the local vets to see if they knew the little dog. Nobody knew her. Finally, at the last vet, Seth said clean her up, get her healthy and we'll take her back home.
We had absolutely no desire to have an inside dog. I've never wanted one. I like big outside dogs. We were going to find a home for this little thing. Slowly though, I was falling for this little dog. My parents were falling for her, too. For a while, my parents thought about keeping her. She had such a sweet heart and loads of personality. She was even already housebroken.
Lots of people wanted to know what kind of dog Annie was. I was never able to get a clear answer since she showed up stray. She looked a bit Maltese. The vets said a bit Maltese, a bit terrier, a bit poodle. I decided on this - Annie was 100% mixed breed.
About a week after she showed up, I woke up feeling a bit scratchy in my throat. About 12 hours later I was in a full blown fever and achy-flu symptoms. Shortly after that, I was in the ER testing positive for the dreaded swine. Seth doesn't like the term swine flu (farmers...) - H1N1.
I came home from the hospital and quarantined myself in another room of the house to keep Seth flu-free. The only thing to keep my company was this little dog. This sealed the deal. We named her Annie. Little Orphan Annie.
We need to make this official. One day, I tucked Annie into my purse and walked into the store to buy her food, a bed, and a collar. Ours.
Suddenly, my family was more excited to see Annie visit than to see me! She made everyone happy.
About a year and a half later, Little Wyatt showed up. Followed a couple years later by Mister Charlie. Slowly but surely, the loads of pictures I had of sweet Annie were replaced by my sweet babies. But she was still part of the family. Maybe she played the role of the step child on occasion, but I always tried to make a point to show her the love and affection she deserved.
Of course, there were times that having this dog was completely maddening. She's solid white. And a dainty little thing. But she eats cow droppings and horse droppings and rolls in nasty smells as much as any regular ol' farm dog. She gets dirty! And she's got this fluffy little white coat that attracts cockleburs like you would not believe. I can't even tell you how many of these I've had to pick out of Annie's "beard" or stepped on while walking across the living room floor.... Annie's little "land mines"...
Last Friday, there was a very unfortunate incident where Annie dog landed badly on her back from a fall. The noise was one I had never heard her make before and immediately I worried she broke her leg or something. I NEVER would have imagined what happened to her. She didn't seem to be moving her back legs at all. Not long after the incident, Seth called the vet and before long we were headed into town with Annie. She couldn't sit, she couldn't walk. X-rays didn't show any issues so it became apparent this was likely a neurological issue. I sat on the floor in the vet with my little dog fighting tears the whole time.
Doc decided, in the off chance this could be a pinched nerve, we should give her steroids and other medications to calm her down, ease any pain, and see if any inflammation would calm down and function of her back legs be restored.
No such luck.
In the meantime, a friend of mine mentioned Wheels for dogs. My heart lifted and I felt hope that I could get Annie back. She might be a wheelie dog, but she would rock those wheels with more personality than any dog could. I spoke with the vet and he felt there were pros and cons to Annie using the wheels.
Annie remained at the vet for the weekend to continue treatment to see if any function could be restored.
The entire time she was gone I thought about the possibility of the wheels. How would she handle the bathroom situation. Would her legs be strong enough. Would she become more of a challenge for my hands that already felt full of my two children and other responsibilities.
This has been an agonizing weekend. I miss having her in the house so much. Every time I hear a sound Annie would generally respond to, I instinctively wait for her response. I heard coyotes in the field howling the other night and waited for Annie's growls and shrill bark to wake me, annoyed. It didn't happen.
I've walked into the house wanting to send Wyatt to let her out of the bathroom and hear the children squeal for her. "NANNY!" "NEEEEE!" Hasn't happened.
When she came home on Monday, I was immediately faced with the realization that my Annie wasn't the same and probably wouldn't ever be the same. She couldn't use the bathroom on her own... She wasn't comfortable in her new paralyzed state. We tried the chiropractor like a friend suggested. The vet thought it would be best to avoid the chiropractor in this delicate state.
How I am supposed to take care of my Annie dog...? I have two children who take up so much of my time. How will I find the time to take Annie outside to manually express every time she needs to go to the bathroom. Is this fair to Annie...?
In an unbelievably kind gesture, the vet offered his services, free of charge, to give Annie the best shot at recovery. This is where she has remained for nearly a year.... She made progress, she was able to pull herself around... but after a period of time, it became clear that she wouldn't be making any more progress.
There's not enough room or the proper words to honor this amazing little dog. I wish all of you could see the way she bounced through the grass. Man, she could leap. And this little 10 pound dog looked so fun and full of life as she ran like a crazy with her butt tucked down real low to get as much speed as she could without actually lifting off into flight.
My heart is broken. I've never had a dog that was just mine. This dog was mine. She found me. She picked me. She showed up that Sunday and never left. I never wanted a little fluffy dog. And I know you can't keep dogs forever. But if there's any dog that I would pick for myself it would be Annie. And I would pick her over and over and over again. Damn I miss her.
About two weeks ago, we decided it was best to put Annie down. She had made some progress but really had plateaued and after a lot of thinking and discussing with the vet, I decided it was best to put her down. Life was busy and I didn't want to face it so I put it off and put it off. Today was the day. I didn't wake up with plans on doing it today but there really was no better time...
So we went to go see Ms. Annie. I hadn't seen in her months and months. I was afraid she would have forgotten me. But she didn't. She came in looking like her adorable little self with a fresh little haircut and her sweet "school picture" haircut on her ears. She got excited to see me and squirmed around with me. I brought her peanut butter... :) I fed her peanut butter and then I held her. Not long after she really calmed down. I just held my little Annie dog...
I held her. I loved her. I told her I was sorry and that I missed her so much. Now, my sweet little Annie is gone.
I've never had a dog that I loved. I'm not super crazy about animals. But there was no way a person would NOT love Annie. She had spunk and personality and was the best little dog. Ever.
I don't know if I'll have another dog of my own. Family dogs... sure. I KNOW I won't have another dog like Annie. But maybe someday Annie will send me another little gift that I can love.
The unpublished post:
On October 4th, 2009, I was sitting alone in our house, resting after church. Suddenly there was a ruckus at the front door. I walked over to see a tiny little white dog looking through the front door. I opened the door and she bolted back across the lawn down towards the road.
About 30 minutes later, here came this little white dog scratching at the door again. I got some lunch meat out of the fridge, opened the door and lured her in. I picked up the tiny little dog to see she was covered in fleas and only wearing a little cat collar with a little bell on it. No information.
I sat outside with the dog for a long time while posting on Facebook and chatting with Seth about the dog. We thought maybe it was a neighbor's dog so I took her to a couple houses nearby but no one knew the dog. We put her on Pet Patrol the next day. We took her to a couple of the local vets to see if they knew the little dog. Nobody knew her. Finally, at the last vet, Seth said clean her up, get her healthy and we'll take her back home.
We had absolutely no desire to have an inside dog. I've never wanted one. I like big outside dogs. We were going to find a home for this little thing. Slowly though, I was falling for this little dog. My parents were falling for her, too. For a while, my parents thought about keeping her. She had such a sweet heart and loads of personality. She was even already housebroken.
Lots of people wanted to know what kind of dog Annie was. I was never able to get a clear answer since she showed up stray. She looked a bit Maltese. The vets said a bit Maltese, a bit terrier, a bit poodle. I decided on this - Annie was 100% mixed breed.
About a week after she showed up, I woke up feeling a bit scratchy in my throat. About 12 hours later I was in a full blown fever and achy-flu symptoms. Shortly after that, I was in the ER testing positive for the dreaded swine. Seth doesn't like the term swine flu (farmers...) - H1N1.
I came home from the hospital and quarantined myself in another room of the house to keep Seth flu-free. The only thing to keep my company was this little dog. This sealed the deal. We named her Annie. Little Orphan Annie.
We need to make this official. One day, I tucked Annie into my purse and walked into the store to buy her food, a bed, and a collar. Ours.
Suddenly, my family was more excited to see Annie visit than to see me! She made everyone happy.
About a year and a half later, Little Wyatt showed up. Followed a couple years later by Mister Charlie. Slowly but surely, the loads of pictures I had of sweet Annie were replaced by my sweet babies. But she was still part of the family. Maybe she played the role of the step child on occasion, but I always tried to make a point to show her the love and affection she deserved.
Of course, there were times that having this dog was completely maddening. She's solid white. And a dainty little thing. But she eats cow droppings and horse droppings and rolls in nasty smells as much as any regular ol' farm dog. She gets dirty! And she's got this fluffy little white coat that attracts cockleburs like you would not believe. I can't even tell you how many of these I've had to pick out of Annie's "beard" or stepped on while walking across the living room floor.... Annie's little "land mines"...
Last Friday, there was a very unfortunate incident where Annie dog landed badly on her back from a fall. The noise was one I had never heard her make before and immediately I worried she broke her leg or something. I NEVER would have imagined what happened to her. She didn't seem to be moving her back legs at all. Not long after the incident, Seth called the vet and before long we were headed into town with Annie. She couldn't sit, she couldn't walk. X-rays didn't show any issues so it became apparent this was likely a neurological issue. I sat on the floor in the vet with my little dog fighting tears the whole time.
Doc decided, in the off chance this could be a pinched nerve, we should give her steroids and other medications to calm her down, ease any pain, and see if any inflammation would calm down and function of her back legs be restored.
No such luck.
In the meantime, a friend of mine mentioned Wheels for dogs. My heart lifted and I felt hope that I could get Annie back. She might be a wheelie dog, but she would rock those wheels with more personality than any dog could. I spoke with the vet and he felt there were pros and cons to Annie using the wheels.
Annie remained at the vet for the weekend to continue treatment to see if any function could be restored.
The entire time she was gone I thought about the possibility of the wheels. How would she handle the bathroom situation. Would her legs be strong enough. Would she become more of a challenge for my hands that already felt full of my two children and other responsibilities.
This has been an agonizing weekend. I miss having her in the house so much. Every time I hear a sound Annie would generally respond to, I instinctively wait for her response. I heard coyotes in the field howling the other night and waited for Annie's growls and shrill bark to wake me, annoyed. It didn't happen.
I've walked into the house wanting to send Wyatt to let her out of the bathroom and hear the children squeal for her. "NANNY!" "NEEEEE!" Hasn't happened.
When she came home on Monday, I was immediately faced with the realization that my Annie wasn't the same and probably wouldn't ever be the same. She couldn't use the bathroom on her own... She wasn't comfortable in her new paralyzed state. We tried the chiropractor like a friend suggested. The vet thought it would be best to avoid the chiropractor in this delicate state.
How I am supposed to take care of my Annie dog...? I have two children who take up so much of my time. How will I find the time to take Annie outside to manually express every time she needs to go to the bathroom. Is this fair to Annie...?
In an unbelievably kind gesture, the vet offered his services, free of charge, to give Annie the best shot at recovery. This is where she has remained for nearly a year.... She made progress, she was able to pull herself around... but after a period of time, it became clear that she wouldn't be making any more progress.
There's not enough room or the proper words to honor this amazing little dog. I wish all of you could see the way she bounced through the grass. Man, she could leap. And this little 10 pound dog looked so fun and full of life as she ran like a crazy with her butt tucked down real low to get as much speed as she could without actually lifting off into flight.
My heart is broken. I've never had a dog that was just mine. This dog was mine. She found me. She picked me. She showed up that Sunday and never left. I never wanted a little fluffy dog. And I know you can't keep dogs forever. But if there's any dog that I would pick for myself it would be Annie. And I would pick her over and over and over again. Damn I miss her.
Bless your sweet, beautiful heart Annie.
Thursday, April 9, 2015
April showers bring.... trips to the ER with Charlie.
That might not be entirely accurate. I believe it was Mother's Day weekend last year. There were storms brewing and Charlie was battling a cold. When Charlie was just two weeks old, he got RSV. Most likely because of that, anytime he even gets a simple cold, he ends up with labored breathing and requires breathing treatments. Last year, Mother's Day weekend, was one of his first real challenges with the labored breathing. It was getting close to night and I was getting worried so decided it was best to take him to the ER.
Of course, we were under a thunderstorm warming that turned into a tornado warning that turned into a tornado in the area of the hospital and the area around our home. Charlie and I were safe in the ER - having been evacuated to the center of the hospital. Wyatt and Daddy-o at home were "safe" in our cellar, though the experience was a rather traumatic one for both.
We didn't have power the rest of the night so we ended up at my parents' house to spend the night.
So, in true Charlie fashion, we were under a thunderstorm warning and he had three breathing treatments yesterday. The problem was - the breathing treatments didn't seem to be doing that much for him yesterday. Labored breathing, retractions, small fever.... It was about 5:30 when I gave him a breathing treatment. Around 6 he had this honking cough.... That wasn't anything I had heard before. Even after the breathing treatments he was still really labored. So I put a call in to my doctor.
At the exact moment that "I think you should go to the ER" the wind picked up like mad and began HOWLING through the house... It was a seen of motherly chaos as I struggled to hear the doctor through my cell phone in an open-windowed house, howling with wind, Charlie crying for me to turn on another Daniel Tiger, Wyatt realizing that I was worried - following me around asking/telling me how he was going to help me get everything ready for dinner (bless his beautiful heart), me realizing the sound machine was still also howling from naptime, my mouth still half numb from the dental work I had just a couple of hours earlier, all while tripping over toys and piles of laundry.
Life in a nutshell. But life is good.
We headed to the ER. Half numb mouth, Charlie peacefully watching Alvin and the Chipmunks in the back. The nurse was actually the same nursing from my OB when I was pregnant with Wyatt and it was great to see her again. Charlie was a bit of a challenge. He has grown out of his hate for doctor's offices but he clearly didn't want anyone fiddling with him last night. As soon as we sat down they tried to put oxygen in his nose. Charlie hulked it immediately out of there. They said they needed to tape it. Um... yeah. Tape. That'll hold it...! I tried to keep Charlie from yanking it out but sure enough... Charlie refused the oxygen.
Then they were trying to get his pulse ox - not on his finger. Definitely not. So they did it on his toe. That wasn't all that pleasant for him either - how dare you touch my BIG TOE! But they got a reading. I believe it was 92...
They decided they wanted to do a chest x-ray, test for RSV and flu and go from there. Chest x-ray.... How is THAT going to work. Charlie turned beat red and SCREAMED anytime someone touched him. All while I was trying to be the strongest momma I could and restrain him from smacking a nurse. (Only kidding, Charlie is a gent. He doesn't hit the ladies...)
I had the lovely task of holding Charlie while they did the x-ray. He was very content on my lap until the put a board between the two of us. The tech told me to hold his shoulders back. That meant holding his shoulders, keep him in the plus sign, keep his head out of the way, keep yourself out of the way. But amazingly, we got a great x-ray. Both views, great.
Charlie. Is. Strong. This was very obvious to everyone who encountered him. They also marveled at his size. Charlie is a whopper at 36 pounds - just over two years. And I. LOVE IT. He is solid and strong and handsome and lean and I was actually finding humor in his size and strength while he fought everything the doctor and nurses threw his way.
X-ray - clear. RSV and flu - negative. Doctor was leaning towards viral bronchiolitis most likely from being susceptible after having RSV at such a young age. There may also be some croup.
Now, we are experts at breathing treatments at home. Charlie doesn't fight them. He loves to hold the inhaler piece and turn the machine on by himself. He does this like a champ. In the ER, Charlie fights like a champ against breathing treatments. That was the longest treatment of my life. And Charlie's life. And probably the nurse's life! Hold his arms, hold his head, hold his legs - don't kick the nurse! He screamed and was red and did not make it simple. He was definitely exercising his lungs. Big, strong Charlie!
After all the treatments and tests, Charlie settled into me with my phone watching YouTube videos. He had exhausted himself.
As I sat there, I thought of a couple of friends with children who had really bad ear infections - to the point of rupture. I remember Charlie poking his ears yesterday. So, with hesitation, I asked the nurse if she could have the doctor look in his ears, since we were there....
Charlie was a perfect gentleman. He sat there and didn't move a bit while the doctor examined both of ears and informed us that they looked great.
Whew........... Everything was winding down.
They wanted to give a steroid in the case of croup, to help the airway. The doctor asked if I wanted to personally give it to him at the hospital or take it home. I opted for taking it and giving it to him at home.
We said our goodbyes and made our way to the door - the nurse followed and then informed me "The steroids will likely keep him up and can even cause some behavioral problems, but it would be best to give them tonight anyway to go on and settle the airways. It'll be better that way even if he IS awake all night."
..............................................Uh, excuse me...?
But like a good little momma, I gave Charlie the medicine as soon as we got to the car. He fell asleep on the way home. Relaxed for a little bit at home once we got there and then quickly drifted off to sleep a little past bedtime at 9.
I'm an essential oil momma.... and knowing what the nurse said, I decided to diffuse some good sleepy time oils in the room that night.
Charlie slept all night.
This morning, Charlie's breathing seems to have calmed. He coughed his little head off when he woke up, but he is being my sweet, darling little Charlie. Watching me with excitement as I blow up two balloons for him. Requesting episodes of Daniel Tiger over and over.
I'm very thankful for the ER doctor and nurse that we had. It definitely eased my mind going into the evening and I was very confident in the care they gave us and the care that I could provide him at home.
The storm missed us yesterday.
Of course, we were under a thunderstorm warming that turned into a tornado warning that turned into a tornado in the area of the hospital and the area around our home. Charlie and I were safe in the ER - having been evacuated to the center of the hospital. Wyatt and Daddy-o at home were "safe" in our cellar, though the experience was a rather traumatic one for both.
We didn't have power the rest of the night so we ended up at my parents' house to spend the night.
So, in true Charlie fashion, we were under a thunderstorm warning and he had three breathing treatments yesterday. The problem was - the breathing treatments didn't seem to be doing that much for him yesterday. Labored breathing, retractions, small fever.... It was about 5:30 when I gave him a breathing treatment. Around 6 he had this honking cough.... That wasn't anything I had heard before. Even after the breathing treatments he was still really labored. So I put a call in to my doctor.
Charlie's breathing treatment before the ER
At the exact moment that "I think you should go to the ER" the wind picked up like mad and began HOWLING through the house... It was a seen of motherly chaos as I struggled to hear the doctor through my cell phone in an open-windowed house, howling with wind, Charlie crying for me to turn on another Daniel Tiger, Wyatt realizing that I was worried - following me around asking/telling me how he was going to help me get everything ready for dinner (bless his beautiful heart), me realizing the sound machine was still also howling from naptime, my mouth still half numb from the dental work I had just a couple of hours earlier, all while tripping over toys and piles of laundry.
Life in a nutshell. But life is good.
We headed to the ER. Half numb mouth, Charlie peacefully watching Alvin and the Chipmunks in the back. The nurse was actually the same nursing from my OB when I was pregnant with Wyatt and it was great to see her again. Charlie was a bit of a challenge. He has grown out of his hate for doctor's offices but he clearly didn't want anyone fiddling with him last night. As soon as we sat down they tried to put oxygen in his nose. Charlie hulked it immediately out of there. They said they needed to tape it. Um... yeah. Tape. That'll hold it...! I tried to keep Charlie from yanking it out but sure enough... Charlie refused the oxygen.
Then they were trying to get his pulse ox - not on his finger. Definitely not. So they did it on his toe. That wasn't all that pleasant for him either - how dare you touch my BIG TOE! But they got a reading. I believe it was 92...
They decided they wanted to do a chest x-ray, test for RSV and flu and go from there. Chest x-ray.... How is THAT going to work. Charlie turned beat red and SCREAMED anytime someone touched him. All while I was trying to be the strongest momma I could and restrain him from smacking a nurse. (Only kidding, Charlie is a gent. He doesn't hit the ladies...)
I had the lovely task of holding Charlie while they did the x-ray. He was very content on my lap until the put a board between the two of us. The tech told me to hold his shoulders back. That meant holding his shoulders, keep him in the plus sign, keep his head out of the way, keep yourself out of the way. But amazingly, we got a great x-ray. Both views, great.
Charlie. Is. Strong. This was very obvious to everyone who encountered him. They also marveled at his size. Charlie is a whopper at 36 pounds - just over two years. And I. LOVE IT. He is solid and strong and handsome and lean and I was actually finding humor in his size and strength while he fought everything the doctor and nurses threw his way.
X-ray - clear. RSV and flu - negative. Doctor was leaning towards viral bronchiolitis most likely from being susceptible after having RSV at such a young age. There may also be some croup.
Now, we are experts at breathing treatments at home. Charlie doesn't fight them. He loves to hold the inhaler piece and turn the machine on by himself. He does this like a champ. In the ER, Charlie fights like a champ against breathing treatments. That was the longest treatment of my life. And Charlie's life. And probably the nurse's life! Hold his arms, hold his head, hold his legs - don't kick the nurse! He screamed and was red and did not make it simple. He was definitely exercising his lungs. Big, strong Charlie!
After all the treatments and tests, Charlie settled into me with my phone watching YouTube videos. He had exhausted himself.
As I sat there, I thought of a couple of friends with children who had really bad ear infections - to the point of rupture. I remember Charlie poking his ears yesterday. So, with hesitation, I asked the nurse if she could have the doctor look in his ears, since we were there....
Charlie was a perfect gentleman. He sat there and didn't move a bit while the doctor examined both of ears and informed us that they looked great.
Whew........... Everything was winding down.
They wanted to give a steroid in the case of croup, to help the airway. The doctor asked if I wanted to personally give it to him at the hospital or take it home. I opted for taking it and giving it to him at home.
We said our goodbyes and made our way to the door - the nurse followed and then informed me "The steroids will likely keep him up and can even cause some behavioral problems, but it would be best to give them tonight anyway to go on and settle the airways. It'll be better that way even if he IS awake all night."
..............................................Uh, excuse me...?
But like a good little momma, I gave Charlie the medicine as soon as we got to the car. He fell asleep on the way home. Relaxed for a little bit at home once we got there and then quickly drifted off to sleep a little past bedtime at 9.
I'm an essential oil momma.... and knowing what the nurse said, I decided to diffuse some good sleepy time oils in the room that night.
Charlie slept all night.
This morning, Charlie's breathing seems to have calmed. He coughed his little head off when he woke up, but he is being my sweet, darling little Charlie. Watching me with excitement as I blow up two balloons for him. Requesting episodes of Daniel Tiger over and over.
I'm very thankful for the ER doctor and nurse that we had. It definitely eased my mind going into the evening and I was very confident in the care they gave us and the care that I could provide him at home.
The storm missed us yesterday.
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